woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
