i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
