You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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