remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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