New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
