She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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