GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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