Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
