I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
