I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
