This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
