dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
