i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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