thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
