I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
COCAINE IS GR8
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
