Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
