I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
