He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she peed on how many people?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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