so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
