You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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