The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
