kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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