i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
