just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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