she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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