my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
