Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
