apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
