can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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