Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize