you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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