Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
