I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
