I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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