If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
