I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
