Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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