i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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