considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
