Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
