i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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