I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
