That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
