Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't think brook has ever known best
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
