I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
