I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
