The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
