I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
