If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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