If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
