i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
