I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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