He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
