yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
