I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
