Nicole vs. Life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
