I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
