Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
