im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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