1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
