u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
