It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
