So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize