NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
