Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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