I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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