i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
