There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am one with the molecules
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
