Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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