I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
