Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
