Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
