Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize