I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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