we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
