I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
