So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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