So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
