btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
